I’ve seen many amazing women being in all the wrong relationships and like a loop, repeatedly getting in and out of such bonds. Some women start believing that they’re unlucky in love and some feel that maybe they’re not good for anything but is that really the case?

You’re too kind

Sometimes some women get into destructive relationships, because even after they recognise their boyfriend or husband to be trouble, they are never able to gather enough strength to leave or hurt them. One friend of mine felt too suffocated in her relationship and whenever she tried to break up, the guy would start crying or doing some stupid stunts to make her stay. Sometimes our own kindness becomes our worst weakness. A lady in my society, had such an abusive husband and she never left him because she always said that there’s no-one to look after him if she leaves him. I don’t think that that was love because she herself used to say that she doesn’t have any feelings for him but she can’t leave him when  suffering.

You’re too optimistic

Maybe, you’re that naive kind or someone who tries to find the positivity in others even after they’ve repeatedly proved that they’re not worth it. You feel that one day that guy would wake up and be different, he would have a sudden change of heart, but little do you know that these things don’t happen in real life. I once read a saying in my Sanskrit textbook that Human’s nature is like water, it may freeze or boil when circumstances change but when things are back to normal, it will again go back in it’s liquid state. Similarly, we as people never change, we can’t let go of our passions and the basic behaviour that we have no matter how hard anyone else tries.

You’ve had a history of abuses

Our personality is 90% formed when we are little children, and if you’ve seen your mother being treated in the wrong way or any abusive manner, it’s likely that you’ll keep bouncing on similar relationships. According to psychology, the victims of sexual abuse face the most triggered feelings of mating at their older stages, somehow it operates like this. Many people just keep trying to find a way of getting attached to the pain and they try to find it outside. That’s why I began with the line we accept the love we think we deserve. I had a friend whose father was very good character wise, but otherwise very dominating and abusive, she used to come to school crying most of the days with bruises either on her body or self esteem and she always used to get into similar relationships, trying to change the men or justifying her feelings. A boyfriend verbally abusing her was always better than her father and she always used to cling badly to those relationships. It’s not that that made her happy or free, but it’s similar to self harm and cutting yourself, just a way of attracting pain and feeling things.

You don’t want to be alone

There are innumerable people getting into relationships just for the wrong reasons. I hear many people say that the relationships now a days are not real and long lasting like in the old days. The most important reason I feel is that we don’t want to be alone, we are scared of our own selves, and to avoid being lonely, we start settling down for things that are way below our standards and us, and sometimes when the real stuff comes, we are just too afraid to grab it.

You’re in a psychologically vulnerable phase

The traumas or pain of an incident has clung so badly to you that you’re in a very vulnerable phase. And you try to cling to whoever seems protection. My friend had just met a guy who was so good and protective that when she had realised that he has no feelings for her and was only flirting, she wasn’t ready to accept it or give up on him because she always used to tell me that she feels safe and none ever had taken a stand for her, which was wrong from outside, but according to her perception was correct. He used to be abusive towards her, and come and go as he feels but when there he had an answer to her vulnerabilities or someone to back her up, which even though she was capable of doing herself but couldn’t gather the strength to.

If you’re someone who have been in destructive relationships or exhibit an obsessive behaviour towards these things, please take time before jumping to any relationship and try to build yourself first. Relationships that begin with all the wrong reasons end up there too.

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