So today I had my international trade paper, and as soon as I entered college, I saw a girl saying something to her friend while she was pointing at me, and no, it was no misconception by my side, I knew she was mocking at me as I just had my hair cut very short. We talk of modernity, feminism, accepting each other as who we are, but do we really do this? I don’t understand why we have certain set up notions of beauty and feminism and mock at those who don’t confirm by it. The looks, are well, just a dimension of the unrealistic standards, we as women, are expected to adhere to.
Even though, I could go straight to that girl and tell her nasty things about the way she looked in return of what she was doing, I controlled my urge and ignored her. I have always had this habit of laughing too much and a bit louder and I’ve heard many people telling me to stop if immediately. I was telling my best friend how I’m trying my best to appear classy and the thing she asked me to do was to stop laughing loudly. She was like, now when you’re being like a girl, don’t laugh like that. I don’t know why I need to laugh in a certain manner to be a female.
I was doubtful about what to choose next after my graduation, so I went to my elder brother to get some tips from him, and he instead, asked me why am I bothering about all this and not for my marriage. After all for how long I’m going to stay in my parents house and why do I need to have my own education and job? Even though we are expected to score good and get good colleges, but the mentality at most places remains the same. His wife herself is a working woman but still is expected to cook and do household chores. I have seen my mother working both inside and outside and at night, everyone will lie around tired and exhausted, and she’d still be working. A modern woman is expected to be educated, beautiful, understanding, but still good in the household chores and someone who keeps doing it without complaints.
My kindergarten teacher, who is now married and has a beautiful daughter was expected to be working, cooperative in household and bringing up her child well. On top of everything, she is expected to take care of all these without complaints too. A neighbour of mine keeps telling me how her mother-in-law expects her to be teaching her child very well as she is an intelligent educated woman but won’t help her a bit in household work. Her eight year old son, though, helps her in cooking or cleaning. We all want an educated smart girl but only for keeping our household well.
If all these expectations aren’t enough, there is a tremendous pressure upon being beautiful. Since the dawn of all these fitness models and oh so sexy moms, the women are now expected to have a body like that too. Body shaming is a common thing nowadays and even though many people scream lectures about body shaming when someone calls them fat, they themselves make fun of women who are thin.
Hypocrisy everywhere. What still is awkward is why I have to confine myself with long hair, I was not having proper time to maintain it, and so I had to get it cut instead of having it destroyed, but still, what’s the point? If I had said anything on their appearance, I would have got lectures on my proud and boisterous attitude, but this is hypocrisy. Giving others what you yourself won’t like to taste. Having great hair and body, but no manners to treat someone is neither class more femininity.
Another most prevalent expectation is that associated with dresses and character. Avoiding boys is cheap mentality and backward attitude, being friends with them invites slut shaming. They themselves would keep checking models photos all day long but whenever see any girl wearing short clothes or anything, all their culture stands up, I doubt which culture permits anyone to call a lady abusive words or judge her by her standards and behavior. They really need to study about our rich culture where the idols of goddesses are still incomplete without the clay from prostitutes‘ house, where talking about periods is considered bad but the same water from Kamakhya considered holy, the land where Goddesses wear the most modern clothes and sari itself defies all customs of covering. We are the land where Kamasutra arose but still slutty is a young woman trying to fly.