Dear Mom and Dad

Before I write this, I want you to know that I love you. I love you both more than anything in this world.You fulfilled each and every wish of mine-the piano-(SA-21model) which I wanted in 4th standard and I lost the very next day when I took it to my school,my first drum set,that red watch-everything that I ever desired.My aim was from an early age to be focused on my studies,learn and get a career so that I would become independent.”Independent”-what a big word it seemed to me. Both of you grew happy in the most simplest of my joys,an A+,a new dance move that I learned,that basketball game which I won was enough to bring a smile on your face. You never scolded me -tried your best, at least even when I punched the neighbor’s son in the stomach and gave him a black eye. That was the day you told me that I should not punch anyone-a valuable lesson was learnt.

So, apart from these minor difficulties, I continued into my 9th standard when the facade, the facades – started crumbling in bits and pieces in front of my eyes. I had never known the difference between the words – rich, poor and middle-class. They were just words to me meant to be learnt out of a dictionary when their meanings hit me, smacked me in the face. I had heard some of your muffled voices about money shortage and an “image” which we had to maintain.

the final goodbyeIn the meantime,my best friend, Ashish bought a mobile phone- an expensive,sleek and shiny new Nokia-a dream mobile. I wanted it for myself. That day shattered the carefully woven facade of my reality. My father sat down with me and acquainted me with the importance of money – it was purchasing power in a man’s hands. This reality was shattering. I liked the facade much better. However , I was not done with my share of realities yet-love and heartbreak was another. My boyfriend was immature and decided to dump me for not kissing him in front of his friends. I lived through all this to proceed from school to college-a many hued, brightly painted world. My aim was to have a career and become independent. I was mature now,I knew that I had to carve a niche for myself through sheer hard-work. I imagined,experienced and lived two realities simultaneously-the one within the college gates-attend lectures,watch films with friends and go on motorbike rides with my boyfriend and a reality which awaited me outside-career, financial woes, taking care of kids ,a home and staying bound to my husband for life.

There was no choice which I was offered-this was it. I cannot live on my own terms, would rather have a live-in,a career which I would enjoy and not struggle with salary. I would rather live-outlive this reality. I will choose the easy way out. I would have turned 19 by the time you open it today. My oxygen levels seem low-it’s causing a pain in my head,but this pain is so…liberating and fantastic. If I cannot live my life on my own terms,I will end it in my own terms. I will choose the easy way out. Sorry mom and dad. The blood is flowing too fast for me to write anymore.


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