So, you recently checked your beau smiling at another individual of your gender and are constantly fidgeting over the why’s and how’s about it. Maybe you’re comparing yourself a lot with that person and are worried about his / her good looks and charm. Though you don’t want to feel it, but you can’t help controlling it. Oh well, it happens with almost everyone.
I believe the two reasons why we feel jealous in a relationship are, first, that, we, ourselves, are cheating with our partners or are drooling to other people even after having a commitment to someone else. The saying that we see the world with our spectacles is not wrong, we see the world and other people not as who they are, but as who we ourselves are.
The second reason is that, that your beau has given you a reason to be jealous of. It seems awkward, but is true. Until the person is caring, attentive, giving you enough value and time, most probably you wouldn’t doubt him.
I was in a relationship with someone I loved a lot, and I believe I still do. Never for a moment, did I have a little doubt on him. He used to talk to other girls and would even cut mine while talking to them, but he was so good to me, that I had nothing to doubt about. I had this faith on him that it’s just friendship and a healthy bonding among them, in which I shouldn’t be interfering at all. Later on, I came to know about his affair with other girl and even though I decided to stick with him, I started feeling insecure and having bumps of emotional rides where I used to keep crying all the time and compare myself with every girl he talked to. He always used to doubt me and question the people I hanged out with, and I was fine with his friends. The reason, as I know now is that because he himself was having manifold affairs and therefore he viewed me as the same kind of person that he was.
Insecurities and possessiveness in a relationship don’t always come from our personal behavior, sometimes it’s our reaction to our significant other’s attitude. One friend of mine, who has been in a relationship for around seven years, came to me and said she has changed into this person she really has started hating because all the time, she was bothering her boyfriend with fights and arguments, and she told me she has never been like this, she has never felt so much insecure and possessive in her life. She said that she knows that he loves him and that he’s there with her, but she can’t stop being mad. I asked her to talk to her boyfriend about it because maybe it was his behavior that was causing a reaction like that in her. So, one of the best solutions is talking to your beau about it. There’s nothing that a healthy conversation cannot solve.
Another reason why you might feel insecure in a relationship is because of your personal insecurities and unsolved issues which keep hammering you and your relationship with others. One friend of mine had a bad childhood, and she has started developing trust issues. So, it’s obvious for a person like that to feel jealous, envious and insecure, but again the solution to this problem is also healthy talk. Your significant other needs to be assuring and willing to help you cope up with these problems. If you feel that you can’t share all this with him or her, or you want to seek a closure before doing that, go to your best friend or inculcate a habit of self talk.
I was having panic attacks due to a very bad situation that I faced and I felt that no-one understands me. I started cutting myself from everyone and thought that I should live alone. Then I started writing my thoughts and motivating myself from a stranger’s point of view. I used to record voice clips for myself where I used to repeatedly tell myself to behave in a positive manner.
Another way of killing your insecurities is being better. Nowadays, there’s a trend of accepting oneself as we are but I feel that if we accept our limits, we are never going to be better. If you feel jealous of that ripped guy or that hot girl, why not work out yourself than complaining about it and making both of your lives hell.
I remember poking my aunt to study and learn about various make-up tricks, working out and dresses for attracting her husband when she used to tell me that he keeps looking at other girls. Yes, sometimes the other person is a douche bag who won’t change, no matter what you do for them. In that case, it’s better to leave the scene rather than degrading yourself. After all, the purpose of any healthy relationship should be uplifting yourself and your partner and not degrading any.
The best way of solving the insecurities is to either work on yourself and be a better person, leaving little room for self-doubt and patting of self-worth or talking about it to the person, as it won’t effect only you, it will affect the two of you and therefore both of you should look after it.
Love happy, live beautifully.