I was continuously crying when my mother decided to not entertain me anymore and leave me on myself when I wasn’t listening to her at all. I had a very bad fight with a friend of mine and she had told me that I’m a person with black heart and I had started repeating it to me. I believed it, I doubted me about ever having good intentions at all. My mom explained a lot to me but in vain. That time, I realized what self confidence is. I heavily lacked. I used to cry at whatever anyone had to think or say about me. Then my doctor narrated his story at medical college, where he told me someone taught him to say to himself, “I’m the best, f*ck the rest”. He told me to tell these lines to myself everyday and I’ll see the difference in me in a while. To my surprise, it worked. I was better than ever. So, why did it happen?
When we get hurt or rejected by someone, we never look at the bigger picture and instead start blaming it on us. I remember crying out to my friend when my boyfriend left, saying that he hates me and I feel so much embarrassed about myself that I’m not able to look anyone in eyes and talk. I started having several conversational problem. He asked me who was he to make me feel embarrassed? He counselled me very well. I think he was the first person in the world to tell me my strengths instead of my mistakes and I could see the difference. When I was saying about other girls being prettier and smarter, he helped me find my qualities and I felt different, like I’m really worth something. Sometimes it’s not the rejections that hurt, sometimes it’s our own beliefs about ourselves that pull us down.
Even though I never had any self confidence in relationships matter, I had in other spheres. It was the exams and part time job that I took together performing well in both of them without any self doubt. I was confident there, and able to take the risk. I never felt that that job will hamper my studies or I am forced to do it. I knew I could do well in both places and so I took it. The more confidence we have, the more we are willing to do in lives. Other than my graduation, I had two courses going on altogether with teaching and a job, and I did all without any pain. Confidence enables us to achieve.
Confidence makes us feel worthy, I was easily able to debate and speak in front of all because of the self worth I had for myself. I knew that maybe, I’m not a good girlfriend or friend, but I knew I can speak well on a topic when I needed to. I knew where I stood on that and had the guts to speak out for myself about that.
Confidence makes us feel less insecure and jealous, I was such a firm believer in myself that I never used to question my boyfriend even when I saw him hanging out with other girls. I was fine with that, he had said I’m special and no one can replace me and I really considered it to be the truth until I came to know that he had love for someone else and all these talks were shit, making me feel like a pile of garbage. It happened at school, and the other girl was a junior and after that I never had any guts to look anyone in the eye and talk. There I lost my confidence, but when I gained it back, I knew that it wasn’t completely my fault, or maybe it was, I don’t know.
Again, when I was at school, I had my classmates bullying me that with the kind of childish behaviour I’ve got, I’m never going to achieve anything in my life. Some claimed to be capable of clearing top medical colleges and often told me this thing that I won’t be able to do anything. Initially, I believed them, but not now. Neither they cleared the medical college they boasted about, nor I stood up with nothing. I believe it’s all about self belief, the people who keep bullying others are those who themselves can’t do anything and focus their inefficiency on others.
Having confidence in oneself helps in setting up standards. When I had lost my confidence, I had no standards for me. I would have done any stupid thing just for temporary change of mind. When we lose confidence, we lose self worth and lose the dignity and all standards.
For building confidence, work for success, even the small ones. It could be completing small goals or big as there’s no self confidence without success.