The complexity of human emotions is something that is almost impossible for our lowly minds to comprehend. When the emotional wheels start churning, complex chemical reactions within the hypothalamus trigger synapses to short, releasing hormones that in some (almost magical) way, decide how we feel.
It feels truly terrible to miss someone who doesn’t miss you back. It is a bitter-sweet feeling up to the point when you are staring out into the vast emptiness of space, wondering if you actually meant anything to the one you miss.
You introspect and you try to decipher facts on whether they even care for you, you rush to the phone every time that it rings, hoping that it would be them calling, you look out the window & wonder what you wouldn’t give for them to surprise you by appearing at your doorstep, you sit in front of the TV, thinking of them & misdirected passion & longing leads you to think about other things you miss, like the final episode of a TV series you love.
Lying on your bed, you think of the last time you were out together, of how nice it would be to sit under the stars again, talking about everything…your dreams, your plans, your future. You log on to gtalk/facebook, hoping to see them online. When you realize that they aren’t there, a host of possibilities start assimilating themselves in your mind, possibilities which may lead you to worry about their well being…after all, you do love them.
Missing someone is a way of growing up, I guess. It exposes us to loneliness, teaches us how to cope with being a forlorn soul in a conjoined cosmos and lets us know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.
They have a saying in Hindi that goes something like this: ‘Khaalipan Zindagi Ko Bhar Deta Hai’. This feeling overcomes you, as you realize that no matter how much you might try and get involved in activities to distract yourself, you end up thinking of them throughout the day! At some points, you laugh at your dismal condition, at others you might want to bash your wrist against a wall.
Sometimes people go away for a bit. At first, you miss them. Your heart aches for them, and you spend every moment thinking of how great they are, and how wonderful things were when they were around.
One day, a minute goes by when they’re not on your mind.
The next day, it is two or three minutes.
Soon, you realize you haven’t thought of them much in a whole week.
And after a few months of this, they’re just a tiny speck in your heart and mind. You still love them, but missing them isn’t occupying your whole being. Then, one day, out of the blue, they come back. And in an instant, that tiny speck explodes into a full blown passion, and all of those old feelings come rushing back. You realize just how much you missed them.
It is truly the sensation from hell!!!
Originally posted in Valentine Week 2011