That night after a huge fight, I got scared; scared of myself…

What have I turned into? My eyes are all red, as if someone had pierced them and they are bleeding now, my cheeks all black with my kajal all over them, and my hair all out of place as if I was just raped.

I could see that something in me was screaming… screaming and there was no one around. As I looked into the mirror still crying, the tears in my eyes tumbling down, made the chappy lips wet.

It seems just yesterday when I first met him, his sparkling eyes, his reassuring smile, that safe touch… It’s now turned into a strange gush. The butterflies in my tummy that once used to fly high seeing him have been butchered I guess. I can’t feel them anymore. My dimples no longer compliment my smile but they are mere dents on my cheeks that I got in an accident.

I am still wondering if it’s temporary, that the dark clouds have covered me and its pouring over me heavily while I stand still and weep. The tears and rain drops on my cheeks, fighting for space… but no it’s a permanent change now I have realized…

…It was time to move on I thought,  time to find a new place to live, time to love myself, time to take all my love back, that I had given to that one person. That one person who was my hope, my faith, my smile, my love, my life. He’s no more there with me. He has gone.

How I wish I was wrong and all of it was just a bad dream, a dream that I can tell him about later. But no,  it’s better sometimes to face the truth than to cling to the lie… had I understood the same earlier I wouldn’t have been here where I am… all wounded.. all wrecked… all alone…

Right now it feels that my hand is tattooed with his name and I can’t get rid of it my whole life. The name that made me blush once now suffocates me, pricks me, makes me bleed. Maybe that’s how I would learn and not make the same mistake again, mistake of loving someone so much, believing in him and the biggest of all- picturing my fairy tale with him…

Chuck and Blair

Maybe he’s not the one. But even after being hurt again and again, I am sure the reason why God is letting his child get hurt is because he has an amazing plan for me… I am sure my Chuck Bass is waiting somewhere for me… and maybe he is dreaming about me toooo….

Ajachi Anthwal

Leave a Reply