No thoughts to trounce around with. No sense of beauty to bother. No sigh of relief from the innate hollowness of a known meaningless existence.
These days you wonder what is the purpose of life that does not sustain the ability to harness an answer to question that requires the utmost price, that of one’s life. Am I meant to plunge within the illusions of holy mists and power thirsty hunger to do at least a needful to the eye of my fellow compatriots? Or should I follow into the deserts of the wanders that meet life with not even an uneventful hello or leave with a voice to air their mischief? Walking through the night imagining of a life, is that a fate to live with? If hell could ever be known by man more vehemently, this is what the flames would feel as they burn through a soul’s core.
You wonder if one day what you think of false is true. What will you do that day? Cry dues to your ignorance, laugh to the shambles of embarrassment or fight for the false you held to be the truth. I always like to think that I would fight for my own destiny, but this again raises a query of whether this is delusion or insanity? Sometimes you wonder what it would be like to live a thoughtless existence, like that of a bird in the skies or a fish beneath the solace depth of the oceans. Would I be happy, be ignorant or be a buffoon?
Again, the troubles of today say to believe in happiness, who knows what the truth is. I can only imagine the life of living a life that knows nothing about life or living, all it knows is what it feels and knows to need. You laugh at this thought, wondering if you have broken under the heights of human achievements. You think you have failed to dignify an action of your ancestors. Who is to decide if it is a hole that has been dug up or a sight being brought up from beneath? Again, the mind lies puzzled, the heart unsatisfied and the body as usual apathetic. At this moment, you begin to rationalize all those events that arouse something within. Is it a feeling, a sense of worry or sigh of humiliation? Again, you don’t know. These always tend to be the darkest allies of human experience, one’s that quantify and judge the pains you have seen or see people face. These are thoughts that truly churn a mind. These are the thoughts that challenge the emptiness. They challenge the embarrassment of an unanswered existence. They challenge you to fill the empty.
It is then that you awake and start dreaming.