It is so easy to get lost, or so easy to find one’s way. Randomly choosing one will get me out of wherever I am in, but why should I get out, if the place I want to go to is the same as I want to get out of? I would rather not chose a random path but wait for me to figure out and then start walking? But will it be too late? But too late for what? I have no clue..!
I imagine life to be 2 lobed, one which is highly constrained to oneself and hardly penetrable from if not from within and second one to be the perceivable real world. And the bridge connecting the two, the self-contained self to this so called Real World is may be the Connection.
The Connection through which inspiration always flows through, the inspiration to breathe, the inspiration to smile, the inspiration to make life worth everything. But the connection itself is so mysterious, sometimes it wants me to look for it and sometimes run away from it. It is the most confusing yet subtle thing that I know of.
It is like there is a time T when everything around makes sense and will be connected, and I am only left with T-n to get there, and with each delta n, I am nearing the T. But I do not know when and how will I get to T and if this T is even real and or how far is it from now? Does it even make sense to look forward for it? I don’t know any of this, but I strongly believe there will be T when everything till then, all the ‘delta n’s will make sense and make it as a whole.
Life is so beautiful and full of meaning, it feels as if each and every moment is meant to be but without the connection it is only gibberish and hard to decipher. It is like finding yourself in the lost own world, how funny could it be to get lost in your own world, the world you built for yourself, it is now so big and confusing for you to be lost in it. Why can’t life be simple math, you add some and subtract some and you have the answer there. But in reality it never works out that way, the variables involved are too complex and sometimes imaginary and sometime too rational and irrational combined. Far from summing it, it’s even hard to visualize the whole thing as one, it feels as if hundreds of parts are coming together to make something as one or in other words single simple thing has been broken into hundreds of parts pulling everything away.
May be it is like a math that I don’t get, like the math of probabilities, hard to understand multiplying two things I get a value lesser than both. How can that be possible? Isn’t multiplying always lead to a bigger value? Or may be its not the value of a thing that matters more but the weightage that we associate with it that matters more, may be it is the weightage to the things in life that we associate that makes up for those, either over exemplifies them or undermines them.
Connection is the thing that one longs for to cling onto, to get sense out of everything, to bring in pinch of reality in this virtual world, and finally to feel alive. Life as I know it is awesome, but without the connection it means nothing and with it is everything.